What an annual Fast (KC) means to me

Karva Chauth means a lot to Indian women who hail from the northern Indian belt. What does it mean in this day and age, and which definition suits best this continued practice?

Why did we, my spouse and I decide to undertake the Karva Chauth fast, of all the religious festivities in India? Because I think this is when we felt the outpourings of love for one another above all- on denying ourself what we so enjoy as a basic fulfillment : delicious, nutritious home-cooked meals. We are both of us, hardcore foodies. United in a longing for that which we have had the privilege of never being denied, quickly awakened within us the gratitude that we must feel for receiving in abundance: love, unity in a bond resulting in parenthood and fine food, effortlessly so. It’s only on renouncing does one feel the real thing- and understands the longing or need of others.

This day named Karva Chauth - has tremendous folklore and history attached to it, and needless to say, has been cast in our present times as a massive celebration of matrimonial love, in the Hindu context - the undying love of a wife for her husband (while it should be a mutual exercise for sure).

A myriad folk stories line our yearning to do good by our husbands, to prove our loyalty and unparalleled love. These tales have been doing the rounds and a circle is formed to share such like on the afternoon of the fourth day of the new Moon, on Karva Chauth.

The stories themselves are many and could be considered strange and questionable in this day and age. But who doesn’t love a good story, especially a deeply romantic one!

Lately this day of abstinence has turned into a huge pretext to embellish ourselves and celebrate, donning our hidden-away fine sarees and jewellery.  Whether the actual significance of this fast still holds good; whether wives continue to revere their husbands sincerely is not the question that begs an answer.

It’s not my place to question women who pay up to Rs 1000 per hand to get it henna’ed because that‘s how it goes. I know I paid Rs 500 at one point because I wanted my hands to look pretty like ‘everyone else’s’ in my Condominium although I don’t participate in any ‘circle time’ on the afternoon of this festival. I guess I love henna, and why not join the assembly line. Is that what it is, an assembly line where we queue up and show up as others did before us?

henna’ed hands look pretty

Where’s the love and dedication in that? A line-up of women who get their best sarees out, and their gold jewellery, parading around their finest selves! And I admit, Indian women look absolutely stunning in traditional attire, as starved as their bodies might be, minus water or grain. I’m all for a fancy dress party!

What I do believe though : it vests women with a lot of power - it’s not just about fasting for their men- it’s about making a statement: ‘we are starving for you and your life; we are larger than you; we are the big guns here, and you, you won’t do it, will you! But look at us- we are kind and loving and willing to starve for you- who’s the bigger person here- it’s us women!’

It’s a bit of that, and a bit of Parade Day, and a lot of power - the Goddess’ of a Nation unite! Quite staggering I say!

I gleaned this information from the internet, as another fact that is perhaps where it all began, with a pot - the Karva, who knows:

Big earthen pots in which wheat is stored are sometimes called karvas, so the fast may have begun as a prayer for a good harvest in this predominantly wheat-eating Northwestern region.

For me and my mate, when we break our fast, we pray. Neither of us has a strict religious background but having grown up in India, we’ve imbibed certain basic values, and with our head bowed, we thank all the powers that hold us aloft- mustering love and humility from within.  This annual practice keeps us from perishing in greed and indulgence (which we are perfectly capable of), among others.

Also from the internet : “In recent times, husbands have also started observing fasts for their wives. The gesture has made the festival extra-special as it signifies love, understanding and compassion from both ends”  

I hope this to be true.  Fingers crossed. Some friends have shared that their husbands fast with them, so the trend might be on the rise. Godspeed, I say.

Our story: one fine day, two years into my marriage to a South Indian- a Tamilian, in whose culture this fast is called ‘Savithri Noumbu’ and is done for a few hours (as per the charts on that particular Tithi – when one month – Masi - ends, and another – Phanguni - starts).  This fast originates from the Savitri Satyavan story, where Savitri, the wife, is able to coax the Lord of Death to rekindle life in her husband. She fasts until the dark Lord relents.

Lord Yama giving into Savitri’s unrelenting ask for her husband Satyavan’s Life

in southern style traditional attire after a long Homam (ceremony with a holy fire and chanting priests)

I was inspired to undertake this Fast and do it quietly, in my home. I consider it a fine day to join forces with womenfolk to fast and pray and focus on this partnership which is what enriches the world - growing families through a bond of love.

I would choose my favourite dishes to break the fast with, so we are all happy. When the spouse heard of this ‘solemn idea’ of mine, he insisted that he would join me in this ‘holy endeavour’ and break fast together; “could be fun!” is what he said.  So, we made it our ‘Thing’ and it turned out to be a bonding exercise, and a day to remember the origins of our love story, of the difficulties and the joys that our marriage has undergone and how far we’ve come. It is definitely a big deal and a fine deal too. We have never regretted this decision which has gradually become our own private Valentine’s Day!  

The idea of fasting is to open up my mind to inner vistas, rather than focus on the usual routine. Fasting heightens the sense of the present moment and also ensures that our senses come alive, that we are alerted to so much else which gets lost in translation during our usual quotidian.

Every year has gifted me something new on this special day- some form of knowledge, or epiphany that seems to arise when my digestive system is resting, as funny as that might sound.

the quintessential Indian woman, beautifully bedecked

I would hate to sound pompous, and I might, because I don’t wish to partake in wrapping myself in fine muslin and bring out my jewellery (Mangal Sutra is often mentioned- the golden necklace which is tied around the new bride’s neck by her new husband during the marriage ceremony, then put away lest it get worn out, or be snatched by a passing thief) - but I’ll say this without a moment’s hesitation, that there is a lot to love in our culture and as long as there arose a balance in the man-woman relationship- and it became clear that we have our unique ways of showing love and devotion, I’m good to go. Should we talk about it soon some day? Duh, yeah.

I fervently hope menfolk unite to name a Day dedicated to their female counterparts, that they find a way of exhibiting it, with or without the ‘karva’ (pot)- and then parade around in an attire befitting their status as loving spouses!

We women would applaud the loudest!

I end with respect and love to all of us Indian women who choose to fast for love, with devotion. May we thrive and be true to ourselves above all, and choose consciously what we choose to participate in.